then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
