so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
