STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
