So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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