and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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