life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So here I am, sexting at work.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
