so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
