Cold hands, warm shart.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
