bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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