Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
