My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
