I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
