Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
