Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think my mom watched the whole time
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
