I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
