How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This is classic penis vs brain.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think my moral compass just broke
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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