its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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