mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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