I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
