Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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