i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
