Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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