Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
