new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
