Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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