Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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