I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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