considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
