How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
