Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
