Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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