We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
