In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
