dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
