it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
