the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have aggressive nipples.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
