I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
