just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
