Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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