glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
