bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
