Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
