trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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