He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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