Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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