You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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