Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
