I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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