its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
