I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
