thus making me awesome and them whores
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
