The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Randomize
