im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
