dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize