I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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