i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
