I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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