I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
